Woman's partner and his family uninvite her from the family trip because of her allergies: 'It wouldn’t bother me so much if it felt like he actually stood up for me'

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Feb 22, 2025 7:00 PM EST

As a society, we are much more accommodating these days to dietary restrictions than we used to be. We've found ways to turn just about anything into protein, discovered what feels like a million types of plant milk, and know how to make bread with no bread in it. Science has been able to adapt to allergies, diets, and fads in ways that were unthinkable just years ago. Along with the physical progress we've made, there's much social progress as well. Vegans and vegetarians aren't painted as the hippie-dippie types anymore, and oat milk is the most popular coffee addition in cafes today. It's become so easy to accommodate these issues that it's almost second nature. Yes, it would almost be silly to deny someone their right to a meal just because they "eat funny." We should all strive to make everyone feel comfortable, and it's now just practical to do so. 

This is why one woman came to the internet to ask for advice when her extended family cut her out of their big family trip altogether because of her genuinely serious dietary allergies. Is she right to be upset? Or should she just sit this one out? Read on to decide.

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    via Charles Chen
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    "AITAH for being upset that my partner’s family is excluding me due to dietary restrictions?"

    My partner(28M) and I(30F) have been dating for 3.5 years. We've spent a lot of time with each other's families, including going to Hawaii together with my mom and my child. My mom doesn't have a lot of money, but she paid for our hotels and a good amount of the food we ate, as well as a special tour that we did.
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    My partner's family is wealthy, and they have paid for us to go visit them several times. They have a good relationship with my 4.5 year old child and love being in the grandparent role. While I'm so grateful for them flying us out to visit them, they haven't always been very...accepting of me/l haven't always felt welcome. It often feels like they invite me to things because they want access to my kid so they can continue to be grandparents.
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    For example, a little over a year ago, we visited his family for thanksgiving. I was pregnant (which they knew). The pregnancy was not planned, and it was pretty stressful. I ended up having hyperemesis, which is extreme morning sickness.
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    Another reason to remain child-free...

    Before the pregnancy, I had an intolerance to dairy and a seafood allergy, but unfortunately the pregnancy triggered celiac.
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    They had me make my own entire thanksgiving meal, which ok, not everyone wants to accommodate dietary restrictions. This is not the first time this happened. At his sister's wedding, there was nothing I could eat, though she very much knew my dietary restrictions ahead of time (and I wasn't even celiac at that point).
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    Not the end of the world. However, at thanksgiving, we all planned to go out to dinner, and his sister wanted to go to a seafood restaurant, as she craved seafood. I am very allergic to seafood, and due to the shared fryer, I was unable to eat anything on the menu. My partner said
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    on the menu. My partner said that to them, but when they said they were still going to go, he kind of just went along with it and didn't really stand up for me anymore. I asked if we could go to a restaurant that had sea food but had other options as well, but his sister insisted we go to the restaurant she wanted.
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    I was already throwing up throughout the day, and the thought of going to a seafood restaurant, especially since I couldn't eat anything, sounded terrible to me. At that point, I said
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    This dude is a dud!

    terrible to me. At that point, I said I was going to stay home, and it caused a huge fight between my partner and I. His family was really upset with me that I wasn't going to go, and basically said behind my back to him that I was being crazy. He took their side.
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    It really harmed my relationship with his family, though I never felt super comfortable with them as they have pretty different values from me. I ultimately apologized
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    from me. I ultimately apologized to them for not being more flexible, because I didn't want my partner to feel caught in the middle of things, and he wasn't taking my side anyways. Nobody
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    taking my side anyways. Nobody ever apologized to me, and my partner really did not recognize or understood why I have felt so hurt and excluded.
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    We spent this past Christmas with them, and they bought me supplies to again cook for myself most of my Christmas meal, though this year his mom at least cooked me one dish, which I appreciated and thought was a peace offering. However, I think I
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    peace offering. However, I think I ended up being exposed to some gluten at some point, because there wasn't an easy way to prevent cross contamination, and I ended up getting pretty sick. I tried not to make a big deal out of it, but obviously they knew I was sick.
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    Fast forward to issue at hand. His stepdad is planning a surprise trip to Italy for his mother's 60th birthday. He has bought tickets for my partner, his step brother, both his sisters, and both their partners, as well as his aunt and uncle. Initially I had been invited,
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    uncle. Initially I had been invited, but after Christmas, his stepdad casually mentioned how he doesn't actually have money for me to come (even though he had just very publicly given $750 to each of his children and stepchildren for Christmas).
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    Today, my partner supposedly spoke to him to figure out what was going on and try to convince him to re-invite me. After the conversation, he said his step dad didn't want me to come because they don't want to have to worry about my dietary restrictions. However, Italy is extremely celiac friendly-we had previously spoken to him about that.
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    Additionally, he said he didn't us arguing and ruining the trip for everyone else. This is really confusing to me because 1. Him and his wife have argued very publicly in front of us all. He literally called her a one time because she beat him at scrabble. 2. My partner and I
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    scrabble. 2. My partner and I have argued in private-about how I have felt excluded and he refuses to acknowledge this or have any empathy and understanding of why.
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    We spoke on the phone after he spoke to his stepdad, and he said he did everything he could to convince him that none of this would be an issue, but then later on in the conversation, he reiterated the talking points his stepdad made in his own words... not as if they were his stepdads words that he didn't agree with.
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    We've been together 3.5 years, my child loves him, and we've lost a pregnancy together. But this is honestly making me reconsider our whole relationship. It wouldn't bother
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    relationship. It wouldn't bother me so much if it felt like he actually stood up for me and understood where I was coming from-I don't expect him to control his family's behavior. And what
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    his family's behavior. And what makes it even more frustrating to me, is my family has been so wonderful and accepting to him, even after knowing certain ways that he has treated me due to his struggles with addiction.
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    Everyone told this woman that she was right to be upset, and that maybe it was time to get a new guy.

    Cheezburger Image 10467973632
    via David Todd McCarty
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    NTA - Sorry but your partner is not husband material if He dont stand by you.
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    NTA - Your partner husband needs to be in your corner, you and your family need to be a priority. If he cant do that you may have some tough conversations ahead of you
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    If your partner isn't supporting you and prioritizing your family, why are you staying with him?
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    NTA for being upset about that, but why aren't you more upset about the way your so called "partner" is treating you?
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    NTA but it's not just his family excluding you - it's him. I'd honestly rather be single than in a relationship where my partner doesn't care if I eat or not.
    via Fluffy_Albatross_82

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boyfriend family drama aita allergies reddit story relationships pregnant reddit thread Reddit relationship drama
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